would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
