i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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