My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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