Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
