I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
