Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
