Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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