I wish I could punch you in the face.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
