Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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