I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
