And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
