Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
