Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
