before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
