I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
