Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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