I wanna bring you to show and tell
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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