So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
