You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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