this boner is exhausting
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
