I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
