so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
