i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
