when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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