But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was not drunk enough for that final.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
