how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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