Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
we should paint friendship bongs
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
