good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
