Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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