return my video game
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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