How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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