it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
