And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
