just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
