i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
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