her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
