I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
