Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
