Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
