He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
