did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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