i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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