Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
