It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize
