return my video game
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
