why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
