Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
