i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
