saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just had sex on a roof
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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