Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
