Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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