If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
