Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
